i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
