You just made me feel so damn special
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
