I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When are your genitals available?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
