sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
