when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
