yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
