I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
