Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
