I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize