That's intense
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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