Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
