if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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