id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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