and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
