I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
