I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
