Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
