Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
