found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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