"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
