More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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