A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
