I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
