as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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