It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i out mim tonsoeep
God, I missed his penis.
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