I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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