i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
