So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The best revenge is premature balding
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
