that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
