dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
