i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
