oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
