Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
