the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
