Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
