ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
