I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize