just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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