i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cut my penus on the lid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
