ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
