I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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