Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
