I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
