Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
