omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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