If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
