obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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