I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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