Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Text me some of your sweat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
