can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
