no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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