Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
