Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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