She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize