oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
