i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The maid of honor just puked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
