One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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