Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
