Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
