She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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