why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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