I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
