So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
