What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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