I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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