You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
