I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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