This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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