guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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