No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
