she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
