Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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