Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
