after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
