Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
