Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize