she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
