This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
