At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
