And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
