we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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