No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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