Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
