you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
