At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
