Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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