She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
