Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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